my life :)

i had a test yesterday .

"psycho test" .

and i am expecting the result now .

what it will be ?

really a big question mark.

really should have planned everything for my future now .

my future is lying on my own hands now .

i have to be success .

and i shouldn't hesitate anymore .

should consequent on my own decision .

have a nice day all

:D

my future .

talking about my future , i feel extremely afraid now.

what will i be ?

where i should go ?

what should i take ?

the question that always bugging me .

i have just had a consultation with my teacher just now .

told him that i am confused .

jakarta or singapore ?

business management or hospitality ?

he told a lot of things to us , it's a great help too .

but still , i am confuse .

he even suggested me to take any major that related to public relation .

what is exactly that thing ?

honestly , i don't really understand about this kind of stuff .

but i have been trying to dig all of the information .

just hoping it will be a help for me .

to tell honestly .

at the beginning , i have taken my decision .

singapore is my destination .

i have been trying so hard , learning so hard and preparing myself for all the things that needed for me to go to singapore .

be able to enter a well-known university.

but now , everything seems changing .

i am facing a very big obstacle now .

i can't deny that i want so badly to continue my study at jakarta .

friends play a great part in it too .

most of them have decided , they are going to jakarta for sure .

yet myself , can't even decide it .

i really wanted to tag along with them , always stay together with them .

but i know , it's impossible .

we still have to lead our own path .

i wish i could just follow my heart .

i know , deep inside my heart , it already got an answer for me .

now , it;s the task for me to find that answer ;)

i really can't bear to part with all of you , dears .

jn , sis , des , jes , kel , vn , sal , evi , edw , boby , ws , erck .

all of you .

but i know , we are going to lead our own life .

we are on different ttrack now .

we all have a different destination .

i really wanted that all of you cherish the rest of time that we have now .

i may be an annoyance for you all .

i may be an emotional person for you all .

and i may be "fierce" for you all .

boys even call me "lao da" . haha

but deep inside your heart , i believe that you people know that i mean no harm .

it's just my character . my dominant character .

and i can't change it .

the thing that you people should know , i love you most .

the greatest thing that have ever happened in my life , and you will always be :)

no matter what decision that i'm gonna take .

i will do my best for my parents .

i would never ever let them down .

i will repay all of the things that they have done for me :)

i love you , dad mom <3

damn busy week !

i hate this week !

terribly hate it .

i can't even take a breath .

i have to think bout the other task before i finished this one yet .

tasks are given non-stoply .

:((

that's all for tonight

gonna take my sleep now .

:D

damn busy week @

moody .

nothing goes well lately .

everything keeps picking on me .

and i hate that .

tasks are getting more and more .

but i don't even have the mood to do it .

deadline is getting nearer and so is my head .

it is getting bigger 

*think too much

lol .

after all the things you have said today .

honestly , i am really disappointed .

never thought that you would do something like that .

but , fact  is fact .

i can't deny it .

the only thing that i feel right now , is afraid .

afraid of everything , yet nobody could help me .

feels really down .

extremely exhausted day !

shit !

really had a busy day this week .

and it's apparently that i don't have enough time to finish all of my assignment .

:(

i need more time .

finally i could understand how my mom feels .

she keeps saying time is not enough for her .

and now , the same thing goes to me :(

like mom , like daughter !

lol .

and i really feel exhausted these days .

i don't have enough sleep .

dark rings appear !

:((

what should i do ?

felt that i have just slept for few minutes , yet alarm has woken me up every morning !

i hate when my alarm rings most !

since time is getting shorter for me , i should study harder .

but lazy has been strucking me since holiday .

i have been trying hard to put it away .

but it doesn't work at all .

lol .

well , seems like my eyes doesn't want to cooperate anymore .

i have to take my fave sleep now .

that's all for tonight .

good night ! ;)

miss here so much :(

school begins , blog is forgotten .

actually i wasn't mean to leave it behind , it's just i don't have enough time .

i miss this blog so much .

have a lot of thing to tell too .

too many things happened !

and i don't know what should i do and what could i do .

having so much difficulties recently .

and honestly , i'm really tired .

i have been trying so hard just to make all of these things look right exactly in the way .

but no matter how hard i tried , it shows nothing different .

i am really tired now .

how i wish i could just run away from it .

i know , running away is not a good choice after all .

but i don't have the other way anymore .

really wish that i could just disappeared with all of these troubles .

to someone that have been hurt deeply by me .

i am really so sorry .

it's just i have my own difficulties , really hope that you could understand .

i didn't mean to hurt you .

so sorry :(

my days , my life are in a mess now .

what should i do ?

:((

i need help right now !

p.s 

Everything Depends On Ourselves 

15th sep .

have just had gathering with some of my bdj .

but a bit disappointed .

we just spent our day without doing anything .

well , at least we had discussed about our next holiday .

and now , we are still waiting for other further news .

really hope that they could make it .

this time , maybe will be the last holiday for us .

let's us cherish it well .

:)

i watched eclipse for the fifth time !

it still interesting for me :D

i love twilight saga so much much much !!

nothing could be compared with it :D

after watching it , the same thing always happen to me .

every word that bella had said , i remember it clearly .

every single word of hers :)

"it's not a choice between who and who for me. it's about who i should be and who i am ."

the quote that keep flowing in my mind .

"your world is where i belong", other word that bella said .

:D

it's meaningfulllllllllllllllllllll ;)

feel a lil bit down these days .

and i don't know why .

i hate myself for being like this .

i need my great life back :(

bring my day back to me , pleaseeeeeeeeee

honestly , i need a shoulder to cry on now .

what is happening to me ?

i don't want to grow up .

how i wish i could go back to my childhood time 

haih .

haih .

too many bad things happened .

yes , something bad happened to koko .

i have been worrying about him since i got the news.

at least i feel much relief now , koko is right here with me ;)

no matter what your decision is , we will always support you , my dearest koko <3

be strong .

p.s

It Is About Who I Should Be and Who I Am

不在乎他

亲爱的他
早就不愿 困在这个地方
逃避负担吧
谁也不愿作回答

我不得不想
他的身影不停回答
告诉自己 

过去已成回忆

作梦吧
才会有那么多想像
突然发现
不懂爱的人 多么让人欣赏

不在乎他
过去我的心分不清真假
眼睛蒙上了一层纱
以为爱情是最美的花

不在乎他
只是他的吻依稀在面颊
今晚又想得太多
思念悄悄随着泪轻洒

亲爱的他
让我看见爱情的模样
站在人群中
孤单变得不可怕

爱能长久吗
我也经过许多挣扎
偶尔看不见清
身在什么地方

醒来吧
听见了太多人说话
突然发现不懂爱的人 

多么让人欣赏

不在乎他
过去我的心分不清真假
眼睛蒙上了一层纱
以为爱情是最美的花

不在乎他
只是他的吻依稀在面颊
今晚又想得太多
思念悄悄随着泪轻洒

i miss you badly :(

well , 

some of you seem doesn't want to have a gathering .

a bit disappointed actually .

haih .

spent my whole day helping my mom .

feel really tired now .

and got nothing to say anymore .

one thing , i won't forget :D

YOU !

thanks for everything .

you really brighten up my days :)

<3

p.s

Right Here , Right Now :)

finally , i am backk !!

wow !

i miss this blog badly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really do .

spent the rest of my holiday at batam .

and have been thinking alot of thing too .

honestly , i just can't get myself to stop thinking about him .

i hate myself for being like this .

i really do .

i admit that i miss him alot , miss the days we spent together .

should i talk to you , my girls ?

but at least , i had texted des and told a bit about that .

i do realize that i haven't got over him yet .

he still means something to me .

one of the reason that i don't want to come back here is him .

too many memories .

anything about myself reminds me of you .

why ? why should i feel like this ?

what should i do with it ?

since he left , this is the first time that i feel something empty .

i don't have the other choice .

i have to forget all of these , i have to .

well , let time heals everything .

yes , i just need time :)

my bluedjefv .

damn missing youu !

we should have our gathering as soon as possible .

unless you people wanted to see me die ,

lol .

but i am talking serious now .

:D

the only thing that i feel now is confused !

haha .

my BB bat is really freaking me out .

i shouldn't let myself actually , but i just can't stop thinking about it .

haha .

feel weird lately .

do something happen ?

or what ?

i just wish that i could do something for a reason now . at least , one .

not like this .

i keep doing things without reasons , and i feel lost .

i really hope that i could back to myself .

back to where i should be .

其实真的很想大大声地哭出来，这样做也许会让自己好过一些吧

可是，可以吗？

真的觉得好难受

我不想自己一个人.

但是自己也不想再痛了

连我自己也已经搞不懂自己要得是什么了

well , just let nature takes it course :)

p.s

I'm Looking At You and My Heart Loves The View :)

7th sept :)

Todayy .

looking back on my prof pic on fb just now , and realized something .

he commented on almost all of my profpic .

felt hurt somehow .

everything that we had ever shared together , vanish slowly by the time .

and i know , past will always remain in the past .

I will let these go .

but one thing , He has misunderstood me .

sometimes , really feel like to explain all of the thing to him .

but , i should not .

maybe it would better for me to let him keep misunderstood me .

so i could never hurt him anymore .

time for him to find a better one , he deserves the best .

and that's all for us .

i should put an end on it now .

i texted my friends last night .

don't know why , i felt that i have changed somehow .

so , i was asking for their comments .

some of them said , "no comment , nothing change , you are still you"

sisca said "you are just fine , seems nicer !"

and something shocked me .

sisca knows about 'us' .

haha . sis , you know what you should do .

better keep it yourself ;)

well well .

how about myself ?

everything looks fine for me . seems nicer !

it's all because of youuu ! :D

i couldn't imagine what would my life be without you ?

would things turn out this perfect without yoou ?

would my days become this great without you ?

would "I" feel like this without you ?

I should admit it that you changed my life somehow .

things seem more simpler than what i have imagined before .

you let me know that happiness could be very simple .

much more simple than i ever thought .

everything that exists now , seems like a fairytale for me .

such a wonderful dream !

and i don't want to wake up again .

let me stay forever in it .

can i ? :)

never thought that life could be this great .

i could even smile every second now ! something that i have been hoping for .

then let me know .

are you the one ?

talking about dreams .

together we will make it true .

this is our promise :)

i do cherish these things alot .

I DO CHERISH YOU .

Nothing could describe my gratefulness anymore .

现在的我，真的必须好好学习怎么样去珍惜现在的一切

不想再一次伤害自己更不想伤害所有疼爱我的人

我已经明白生活中的意义了

it's all thanks to you .

你提醒了我

我必须做个坚强的女孩

长大后，必须孝顺父母

让他们有好日子过;)

oops .

almost forgot something !

i have received my report book .

and i'm the 3rd rank in my class .

a bit dissapointed .

but i have done my best after all .

i should work harder for the future !

wish me good luck :)

that's all for today :D

p.s

Only You ♥

Home Sweet Home ♥

Back to my home :D

my whole body is aching now !

but i have had a fun this time .

really shopped till i almost fainted there !

bought myself alot of things and wasted a lot of my pap's money too .

lol .

*they are still talking about that now n i'm hiding in my room

hhaa .

and i'm going to batam this wednesday (money again =.=)

but no matter what happen , i will definitely go to batam !

haha .

and my dear sis , are you coming with me ?

inform me ASAP , please .

Fiuhh ~

What a relief !

my mom back to herself already .

She has stopped acting weirdly !

:D

Thank God for this :p

well , enough for that .

i miss you all , my bluedjefv !!

:D

where have you people been ?

=.=

i'm waiting for our next gathering , inform me quickly , please :(

i have ton of things to tell !

waaaaaaaaaaaaa ~

i'm missing the days when we could share our everything together ;)

How are you these days ?

Honestly , i miss you alot these days .

away for 2days , but i'm missing you badly now .

Now I've just realized how important you are for me now .

i would never ever let you go <3

p.s

 I Have Many Dreams About You and Me :)

My Cute Mom ♥

well , decision made .

we are going to malaysia tomorrow .

yay ! finally i could stay out of this town for a while :D

the main point is i could shop until the morning drops ! :))

haha .

girls do like shopping , rite ?

somebody knows why ?

let me know then .

i have been addicted to shop since i have reached my 10th .

*my mom said 

i will ask for anything that i like , and lose my temper when my mom refused to buy it for me .

that's my bad habit , even worse .

i didn't change at all .

i am still the same until this moment .

nothing is more enjoyable than shopping .

do i like an "abnormal" girl ?

probably no .

that's what girls do .

:D

well , something reminds me .

My mom has been acting weirdly today .

we are going to malaysia tomorrow , but this afternoon her face showed "i don't care where we are going . and i don't want to handle all of these things . you people do it by yourself . i would just sit down and watch."

yes , in the end , it's me who were doing all the things that usually did by my mom .

buy tickets , do confirmation for our ship tomorrow , decide what should we eat for our dinner and so on .

weird , huh ?

she just kept showing that I DON'T WANT TO KNOW AND CARE ABOUT ANYTHING TODAY. YOU PEOPLE DO IT FOR ME !

actually , it sounds funny to me .

this is the first time she acted like this .

and i found it CUTE ! :D

i know she did it for me .

she wanted me to learn how to handle things in our life .

i know you always do the best for me , mom :)

another ridiculous thing !

when we were packing and preparing things for tomorrow journey , my mom asked me a question that i never expected someone like her will ask .

"WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND ? then bring him home ."

hello , she is my mom . VERO's mom .

i have been her child for 17 years . yet today is the weirdest , funniest day for me .

she has always forbidden me to date , but today she asked me to find myself a boyfriend ! 

lol . i'm still laughing now .

do something shock my mom ?

or what ?

the thing i am sure enough , she is weird yet funny today .

the cutest ever .

I love you mom :)

well well well .

how about myself ?

how do i feel today ? extremely happy .

lol .

and i feel so excited now ,

where will my mom take me to .

SHOPPING is right inside my whole mind now !

hahaa . how i wish time could pass as quickly as possible now .

and last .

i miss you badly .

i really do .

how i wish you were here now :(

but i know , you will never stay away from me .

Right beside me is the place you have always been .

thing that you should know , i trust in you :)

do take care yourself when i'm away :D

p.s

I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart.

when i have nothing to do :p

一整天坐着对着lappie死的我，忽然觉得好寂寞 。

真的好没事做呀

放假和没放假都一样，朋友门还是忙着他们自己的事

连一起出去hangout也没时间

:(

I Miss Our Days , Bdj .

but mom gave me a great news just now .

we are going to malaysia tomorrow ! yay !

i could shop , finally .

haha .

and had a chat with my sis too .

we have been planning to go to singapore and meet our dearest sis . :D

hopefully , she will give me a good news later .

and last i will never forget you , sil .

i'm waiting yours too . actually u r waiting for me now . haha

i've just realized , on this holiday what i kept doing is just waiting for other further news .

what a ridiculous thing !

but somebody tells me , "be grateful while you still have the chance to wait ."

what does it mean ? a big question mark now .

*actually it's me who told myself that "quotes" .

LOL 

 

well , due to the fact that i'm going to university soon , i should be more thrifty now .

but i just keep spending my money , nonstoply :((

what am i going to do next if i keep doing this ?

:(

i need somebody to remind me !

haha . actually i have now .

she is my dearest mom , the one who keeps reminding me in all things .

The one i love most <3

the best mom in this world ! 

*mom , you should read this ! then you will know , i'm not as ignorant as you think . lol

yes , my body is aching now .

gotta find some work to do 

:D

p.s

You Are Always On My Mind :)

Start Of Something New :)

Living in my own world

Didn't understand

That anything could happen

When you take a chance

I never believed in

What I couldn't see

I never opened my

Ohhhh

To all the possibilities

I know

That something has changed

Never felt this way

And right here tonight

This could be

The start of something new

It feels so right

To be here with you

And now, looking in your eyes

I feel in my heart

Feel in my heart

The start of something new

Now who'd ever thought that

We'd both be here tonight

Thee world looks so much brighter

Brighter, brighter

With you by my side

By my side

I know

That something has changed

Never felt this way

And right here tonight

This could be

The start of something new

It feels so right

To be here with you

And now, looking in your eyes

I feel in my heart

Feel in my heart

The start of something new

I never knew

That it could happen to me

I didn't know it before

But now it's easy to see

Ohhhhh

The start of something new

It feels so right

To be here with you

And now, looking in your eyes

I feel in my heart

Feel in my heart

The start of something new

It feels so right

So right

To be here with you

And now

Looking in your eyes

Looking in your eyes

I feel in my heart

Feel in my heart

The start of something new

The start of something new

The start of something new

Something new 

p.s

I've never had someone that knows me like you do

My BlueDjefv ♥

Terribly Bad Hoilday !

have nothing to do at all .

have had a gathering with some of my sisters , some can't even spare their little time for us .

honestly , i feel very dissapointed especially with kel .

you are the one who suggested us to gather today , yet you are the one who can't attend .

your reason don't even make sense .

don;t you realize that time is getting shorter for us ?

okay , let's take that i am too over .

but it's for our friendship after all .

i just want that we could cherish it well .

we all know that we have a different path .

we are all having a different direction .

we are moving in our own way .

we are on a different track .

and one thing , we will separate some day .

真的很拾不得 

but , what else can we do ?

we have to go through these things .

and it is a must for us .

we are moving and we can't even slow down .

would you all look back at that time ?

would you all remember what we have been through ?

would you all remember our promises ?

would you all remember all  the times we had together ? 

would our jokes still be funny ?

would our moments remain forever ?

Now , I keep believing that nothing will change .

keep believing things will always be the same .

keep believing this friendship will remain forever .

keep believing we will always united as one .

keep believing BlueDjefv will always stay as one .

My Dear ..

maybe sometimes i am annoying for you all .

keep losing my temper as i like .

keep shouting on you all .

keep doing something that maybe you don't like .

but no matter what i did , deep in my heart , I Love You All .

BlueDjefv is the greatest thing that ever happened in my life .

and it will always be .

having you all is the thing that made me thank God most .

and i do cherish this friendship .

You people should know , how precious you are for me .

Nothing and Nobody could ever replace this friendship .

p.s

I Believe BlueDjefv Remains As One Forever

 

你不知道的事 ♥

蝴蝶擦几次眼睛
再学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星
但几颗会落地
我飞行
但你坠落之际
很靠近
爱听见呼吸
对不起
我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地
在心里清晰你不知道我为什么狠下心
还悬在你看不见那高空里
我的事
你不知道的事

蝴蝶擦几次眼睛
再学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星
但几颗会落地
我飞行
但你坠落之际
很靠近
爱听见呼吸
对不起
我却没捉紧你

你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地
在心里清晰你不知道我为什么狠下心
还悬在你看不见那高空里
我的事
你不知道的事

我飞行
但你坠落之际你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣你的泪滴像倾盆大雨
碎落满地
在心里清晰你不知道我为什么狠下心
还悬在你看不见那高空里
我的事
你不知道的事

p.s
GREAT SONG ! RECOMMENDABLE :D

1st September :)

September has come yet nothing special for me .

just hoping that everything turns out better than before .

Holiday starts from today .

where should i spend this holiday ? :(

Jakarta trip has been cancelled , so disappointed ! :((

My Bdj don't even interested to spend this holiday together .

so , i should have just spend this holiday alone .

poor me . lol .

well , nowhere to go .

will i let this holiday ends with nothing ?

surely i won't .

Plan A : stay at batam during this holiday ! (2weeks ? am i sure ? =.=)

Plan B : go to singapore with Silvia Wijaya ( Plan to ask Eka too :D)

Plan C : go to malaysia with my mom and go to batam directly . ( This will be the best choice among all of the plans !)

Plan D : Stay at home and help my mom ( IMPOSSIBLE !! LOL )

*plan b and c are good to be considered :)

So , how about our gathering tomorrow , my bdj ?

nobody texted me !

can't you people just make sure of it ?

i am expecting it !

if all of you din text me in 5 minutes , i would kill you all !

lol .

what a boring day !

oops . i shouldn't say this word (sorry to someone :D)

okay2 , let's change into what a great day !

it's all because of you :)

Thanks to you , i have become more cheerful than before .

nothing is a problem for me anymore !

:D

你让我学会，无论什么事情我都必须往好的方面想 ：）

You never failed to make me smile everyday .

These great days are all given by you .

You simply add the most colorful thing into my simple life .

and You turn it into a wonderful life .

p.s

When You Brought The Sunlight Completed My Whole Life , I'm Overwhelmed With Gratitude :)

Thank God I Found You ♥

I would give up everything
before I'd separate
Myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth

I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life


Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality

When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
 
Sweet baby I'm so thankful I found you


I will give you everything
There's nothing in the world
I wouldn't do
To insure your happiness
I cherish every part of you
'Cause without you beside me
I can't survive

Don't want to try
If you're keeping me warn
Each and every night
I'll be alright
'Cause I need you in my life


See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess
It shows that we were
Destined to shine
After the rain
To appreciate
The gift of what we have
And go through it all
Over again
To be able to feel this way

p.s
You Are The Greatest Thing That Have Ever Happened In My Life